Eulogy

The following is the text of the eulogy given by one of my cousins at the passing away of my Grandmother a few days ago. It is more to preserve her memory than anything else. However, it is a nice read when you have the time.



When I was asked to speak about Aunty Maggie this evening, I was faced with two choices.
One, I could mourn her death.
Two, I could celebrate her life.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I have chosen:

To celebrate her life;

To rejoice at the warm, loving and large-hearted person she was;

To treasure her perfectly played out roles of wife, mother, grandmother, relation and friend;

To revere the memory of her 85 years of life and 60 years of married life;

To cherish her small army of 7 children and 17 grandchildren;

To applaud her great love for both human beings and animals;

To recall the wonderful cook and gracious hostess she was;

To marvel at her monumental memory, which would readily recall not just dates of birth, but also weights at birth;

And to venerate her noble attitude of holding no grudges, and letting bygones be bygones.

Words, however finely crafted, can never pay tribute to someone like Aunty Maggie. So let me share with you some vignettes of Aunty Maggie’s life, that reveal the kind of person she was.

Aunty Maggie was a great teller of ghost stories. ‘Paulu’ and ‘Foka’ were the names of the principal ghosts who kept her grandchildren simultaneously enthralled and terrified!

Aunty Maggie’s skills at finance and bargaining were truly formidable. Her children have fond memories of how she would sit at her window at ‘Holy Cross View,’ the Empress of All She Surveyed. Along would come this fisherman and place his basket by her window. Aunty Maggie would run a critical eye over the catch, and then ask him to quote for it. He would mention a figure, say Rs 400/-. Now you or I would probably counter that with something like Rs 200/-. But Aunty Maggie was made of sterner stuff! She would come back with, hold your breath, 5 rupees! Then the hard bargaining would start, and it would end with Aunty Maggie getting the fish she wanted for the kind of price that we could only dream of. Let me just say that, had Aunty Maggie been in charge of Wall Street, there would be no global financial crisis today, except perhaps for some slight recession in the fishing industry!

One of Aunty Maggie’s outstanding features was her radiant smile. She was one of the few people who would not just talk to you, but would sit you down, hold your hand, smile at you and then speak. But let me tell you about the only recorded occasion when she did not smile! I had a small part in this episode, and as usual, played villain! A cousin of mine and I were supposed to drop Zina back to ‘Holy Cross View’ by 10 p.m., after a function. Unfortunately, we were ten minutes late. Aunty Maggie would neither smile at us nor speak to us that night. We reached Zina to the door and fled the scene furtively like two guilty culprits. Zina was thoroughly embarrassed and asked Aunty Maggie, ”Ma, why didn’t you smile at them and talk to them?” The answer was vintage Aunty Maggie: “Kashen thanchekade ulovnchen putha? Haven mujhen set galuvnk na!” (How could I talk to them child, I haven’t put my dentures)

I do not mean to be flippant, but I am sure that, more than anyone else, Aunty Maggie would not want any of us to sit in a corner with a long face today.

After Zina’s children Akil & Zara were born in Mangalore, Zina recounts how they made the journey to Bangalore on each occasion, with Aunty Maggie in the car, clutching the infant lovingly to herself, not willing to put the child down, throughout the seven or eight hours it took to reach their destination. I am quite certain that until then, and since then, no two infants have had a more comfortable journey from Mangalore to Bangalore!

Let me recite a poem, which is appropriate for today’s situation. It was written by a woman who was close to her mother who had passed away. It goes like this:

Missing Mamma

The sun came up this morning;
It wasn't very bright.
My dark mood casts a shadow;
It's hard to see the light.

We all have just one mother
Now her life on earth is done,
The emptiness and loss we feel
Make it hard to see the sun.

Gone is not forgotten;
Her love remains behind;
She's traveled a new direction -
Love knows no space or time.

We will always love her.
She’ll care for us above.
She’ll send starlight and rainbows
To remind us of her love.

Tomorrow is a brand new day;
May the pain and sadness lighten.
We will remember all her love,
And then the sky will brighten.


Let me end quoting the celebrated Italian conductor Arturo Toscanini, who constantly exhorted his musicians: Play with your hearts, not your instruments.


Ladies & Gentlemen, I unhesitatingly proclaim, that in the sweet symphony that was Aunty Maggie’s life, she played only with her heart.


Thank you.

My Grandmother
By Victoria L Payne


In my Rose Garden of memories
I see you standing there
An angel in disguise
Who taught me how to care.

I long to hear your voice
For real, not in my dreams.
I miss you so much these days
How empty my world seems.

People say time heals all wounds
Some day the pain will subside.
But Grandma I can tell you
I think they must have lied.

The days go by without you
So dreary and so bleak.
The emptiness I’m feeling now
Is strong and I am weak.

In my Rose Garden of memories
I know you’ll always be
For though you’re gone from this mortal world
In my heart you’ll always be.

Chidambaram leads from the front?

Many people talk about PC with awe about his dream budget. Every year for the last 5 years people were expecting him to work miracles in the Union budget. Things weren't as flashy as '97 but did improve considerably.

In the wake of the ruckus over the Mumbai Attacks PC got relieved of the finance portfolio and was given the home ministry. As home minister he is entitled to Z class security but has politely turned it down. Full Article. Political ploy before the elections to appease the hoi polloi or serious reforms in the offing?

Only time will tell. But I know who I will be voting for during the next elections.

P.S If you have finally decided to stop your wining about the situation and start doing something productive like exercising your franchise this is a good place to start

Facination for Roll numbers

The past few days my instant messenger client seemed to go crazy. It was showing a number in a majority of the status messages of my online friends. When I finally decided that it was not a program bug and asked people about it, I realised that people had posted their college roll numbers as their status messages.

Someone, somewhere started it either out of sheer boredom or as a witty conversation starter. The magnitude with which it caught on was insane. Bout of nostalgia ? Possible. But to with the number of people doing it increasing rapidly a poem by W. H. Auden comes to mind.

(To JS/07 M 378
This Marble Monument
Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,

For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.

Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found

That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.

Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.

Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.


Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

Obamania sweeps the world.

There seems to be no other topic of conversation the last few days. Everyone is talking about him. He seems to have won over the media and everyone is swooning over him.

I admire his charisma and the way he has the media lapping at his feet. I admire the fact that he got to be president of the country which was infamous for racial discrimination without the help of any reservations (India needs to take a few pointers here). However, I am not completely convinced. The anti-incumbency factor seems to have worked in his favor considering the mess that the financial system is. Fear seems to have been the prime driver IMHO.

I also want to see what happens once he isn’t the media blue-eyed boy. The media is fickle.

Till about 2 months back all Indian public figures were going on on how India is decoupled from the rest of the world economy. How the Indian growth story is still intact. How we should still be confidant and cheerful. How we should not fear.

In the short span of two months this “feel good” comments on TV have changed to dire predictions of recession. Of job cuts. Of how to protect your family and loved ones in times of crisis. Of how to prevent being laid off. Etc etc.

When the miracle that people are expecting doesn’t happen, that’s when we will see what Obama is truly made of. Till then lets enjoy what George Bush has been reduced to in the media.

Make sure you read the captions

Brisingr and the shattering of Myths

I got my hands on a copy of Brisingr by Christopher Paolini a few days back and was half way through the book.

However, I was struck by the way he described Eragon choosing a new sword. It reminded me a lot of Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. And guess what? It looks like the Wikipedia entry lets him off very lightly with the talk of influences. Pixie Dust has ground him into the dust with this post over two years ago. (Her poems are pretty awesome also). Reading it I cant believe I used to actually encourage people to read his works.

Surveys and Statistics

It has been said that 85% of all statistics are made up on the spot including this one.

For example consider this one

But this one from The Hindu Online edition is the real winner.

Majority of Indians prefer smoke free zones.

92%, 96%, 95% on various counts are just unrealistic. Not that I am for smoking in public places, but falsifying data to push for reforms?

The first rule for a survey is that it take a representative sample. If you go to a anti smoking convention and ask the attendees for their opinion that isn't really a survey. Unfortunately the only fine print available is

"Around 1030 persons aged between 15-64 were interviewed between August 9 and August 24, 2008, the survey added."

By the way, what does AROUND 1030 people mean? Do you not even know the sample population size?

What does the sub prime crisis and MLM's have in common?

Disclaimer: This is not a well researched post. It is just something that wandered across my consciousness the other day.

If you had anything to do with the financial markets till date, you would have definitely heard of the sub-prime crisis and its fall out on the financial markets over the last few months. What struck me was the fact that low grade mortgages were broken up and put with other securities to get AAA+ rated financial instruments.

And if you are not into financial markets but wish to be wealthy I am sure you would have heard of one or the other MLM (Multi – Level – Marketing) schemes. MLM schemes like Amway, Goldquest, etc are commission based schemes, were the person higher up in the chain gets a part of the cash that the person joining the chain pays. While there are many posts arguing for and against MLM’s (example ) I couldn’t help but wonder about the biggest MLM of them all.

Which one? The Employee Provident Fund Organisation (EPFO) in India. Why? Well let us see,

The people joining the workforce are always more than the people leaving the workforce. The government rules make sure that this will always be the case. Consider the fact that the latest rule is that a company as small as 10 people should have contributions to a provident fund.

The contributions to EPFO or PPF (Public Provident Fund) are part of an EEE regime. (Exempt from Income tax on Deposit, Interest and Withdrawal). The tax implications make a lot of people deposit their cash with the provident fund. Not to mention that the history of the rate of interest being offered was so high that people kept investing.

If we look at withdrawal part there are very few conditions where an individual can withdraw this money before his retirement which is usually after a period of 30 – 40 years. During this entire time the corpus is just growing. Now there is talk of changing the structure to EET, where in the amounts are not added to income tax on deposit and interest accrued. But they will be subjected to tax upon withdrawal. If such an amendment comes into effect, the withdrawals from the corpus will decrease even further.

The corpus is just a figure on paper. I don’t think the money is actually held physically. So then it comes to the question of valuations. A piece of land, if held by the organization, can be valued differently by different people. There is no dearth of people who will manipulate numbers to make things look much rosier than they actually are. This is what happened during the sub-prime crisis.

So in effect, I have money coming into the organization and restrictions on its withdrawal. The numbers mentioned in reports are just figures which may or may not be completely backed by assets. The only way we could ever know how sound financial institutions are, is when there is a run on the deposits. With the Government of India standing guarantor the chances of people making a run on the EPFO are minimal.

But this is seems to be a logical contradiction. Ask any person with some amount of experience in dealing with bureaucrats and he will say the babus are not to be trusted. Is that money still there? Or has the money been used by the board to buy some property that couldn’t be sold on the open market? Made investments at questionable levels?

As you probably have realized, there are too many ideas about it running through my head. It hasn’t been organized very well, but maybe I’ll get around to rewriting this piece some other time. Till then, comments about where I am right or wrong would help me organize my arguments better. So keep those comments coming.

Note to self: Keep posting regularly otherwise the organisation and quality of posts are going to go for a toss.